"For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you" (Matthew 10:20).
How easy to believe that I am an instrument of your love when my life is going well, O God. How difficult to believe this when my life seems to be going nowhere, or is filled with many concerns and activities that wear me out. Yet, you greatly desire to proclaim your goodness through every part of my life, no matter what the situation is.
I do not need to have good feelings in order to be an instrument of your love. I do not need to always feel satisfied with what I am attempting to be and to do in order to be a disciple of yours. It is the intention of my heart that makes the difference. Deep within I long for you and I give myself to your cause. I place my heart in yours and enter as fully as I can into your loving embrace.
The description provided by Sr. Joyce's second paragraph is much easier said than done. I have to admit that I am guilty of focusing on God usually only when I am desperate for Him. When things seem to be going smoothly for long periods of time, inevitably I find myself forgetting: What is the point of all this? Who am I to credit for the joy in my life?
It is natural, and good, that I look to God during the times of my life that I need the most help. But it would be another level of closeness and spirituality to maintain this prayerful lifestyle in the bad times and especially in the good times. I think this Lent has been a nice reminder of that. This is the first time in a long time that I've pushed myself into the habit of prayer simply for the sake of growing closer to God, without any urgent matters that need attention.
I have a long way to go, though, before I can ever become satisfied with my prayer life. The risk is always there that I will let it fall off again, as the distractions pick up. In fact, I believe I should never reach a comfort or satisfaction with how much I pray. There is always time/room for more prayer, or perhaps, more effective prayer.
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You may pray more often than you think--even if only for a few seconds, even if you're not aware of it. E.g., when you're patient with co-workers, other drivers, etc., your spirit likely asked the Lord for that patience. Or simply offered tolerance up to Him as a gift. Don't be too hard on your prayer life--actions speak louder than words.
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