2nd Sunday of Lent - Inner Growth Takes Time

"May the Lord of heaven, my child, guide and prosper you this night and grant you mercy and peace" (Tobit 7:11).

    When we are experiencing inner growth, something in us yearns for instant finding instead of gradual unfolding. We want to find the way and we want it now. The child in us stamps her feet, demanding that something happen. A part of us yells such things as: "I want to know my true Self now instead of stumbling around wondering if I am headed in the right direction. Let me know where I need to go with my life. Let me get on with what I am supposed to do so I can do it. I want this unfinishedness of mine to be done." Instant discovery is rarely the way of deep growth, however. It takes time for a seed to sprout, a leaf to unfurl, and a bud to bloom. All our worry and efforts at anxious control will not speed our inner growth.
    Now is a time to recognize the pilgrim in us, that part of us which stumbles in confusion and wanders in the gray mist of unknowing. It is a time to grow in trust, believing that the stars that shine in our soul will lead and guide us to the future. Midlife is a time to be less concerned with being lost and more focused on waiting to be found. It is a time of profound and meaningful exploration if we allow it to be so.

    Once again, we revisit the theme of patience. The past few days of my life have been about 90% sleep and work, which makes the days go by fast. The jury is still out on how I feel about my job on a daily basis -- every day seems different, sometimes stressful, sometimes great, sometimes monotonous, sometimes delightful. Every day, though, I do feel this anxiety about my life's direction. I understand that there is a need for patience, but to actually attain this is a different story. I suppose I need to have patience in the process to become fully patient -- *eyeroll*
    "More focused on waiting to be found." This is tough. I'm afraid that if I try to transform my restlessness into patience, it'll inevitably slip into complacency, as it has in the past. There is a balance to be struck here, and currently (thanks to Lent), I'm probably on the anxious side of the spectrum, constantly wanting to know who I am to become, just as Sr. Joyce describes.