"Listen to me; be silent, and I will teach you wisdom" (Job 33:33)
Listening is to be cultivated and renewed each day. Our lives are too full and active to automatically allow for a natural flow of attentiveness. We cannot run through life and expect that we will hear what stirs deep within us or notice what begs our attention without regularly adjusting our listening antennae.
God is present to us in the scriptures, the liturgical life of the church, our work, prayer, people, events, and nature. Not a person, place, or a moment is left out from divine revelation. Something of value for our growth is always being made known to us in the midst of our ordinary lives. This revelation stretches far beyond and much deeper than how we usually perceive life. Our spiritual development depends on our being alive and vigilant enough to hear the message of transformation that weaves through our daily existence.
It is not an easy thing, to be able to listen in the midst of daily life. Sr. Joyce makes this claim, that it is possible to listen, not just with time set aside for silent prayer, but also in the midst of the hustle and bustle of every day activity. Sometimes I feel that I'm not so sure I'm able to do this -- that is why I've taken on this project! -- to force myself to take the time (almost) every evening to spend time with myself and my God in prayer. I'll have to take some time to prayer about the possibility of making prayer a constant in my life... even at 2 in the afternoon on a stressful work Wednesday, when all I want to do is either take a nap or grind through my work.
I don't want to come across like my work is a grind. There are times that it feels that way, of course, but overall, it is rewarding, albeit a little bit tough (but what rewarding experience isn't tough?). I will admit, though, that the nature of the job doesn't particularly lend itself to spiritual development. In the end, though, I do agree with Sr. Joyce, that God is present in all places, including work. It may not be apparent in the moment, but I have faith that I am where I am for a reason. That realization is a peaceful blessing.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Tuesday, Week 2 - Wake Up!
Now the moment for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we became believers" (Romans 13:11).
Life contains continuous wake-up calls, alerting us to the moments that reveal another dimension of our true self. How will we hear these opportunities for growth unless we are vigilant? Healthy spirituality includes interior and exterior attentiveness. This alertness requires listening. Paying attention would seem to be one of the easier tasks of the spiritual life, but reality contradicts this presumption. If anything, listening becomes ever more challenging because of the clamor and burdens of our hurried days.
How wonderful to have our heart be that "awake." Illness, depression, certain personality traits, overwhelming home and work responsibilities prevent us from a focused awareness. Being busy in itself is not a dreadful thing, but becomes a major stumbling block to our readiness to listen when it keeps us from being alert and responsive.
But, is it really feasible not to be busy, if I want to succeed? I guess that depends on my definition of succeed. I totally agree that being so busy is the easiest way to forget about the bigger picture for weeks, months, even years at a time. For some reason, even though I'm fairly busy now with work, I've been blessed with the opportunity to push myself to pray on an (almost) nightly basis. Yes, I've missed some nights (I'm about 4 nights behind now!), but I have to be okay with my imperfections.
So, how do I find a lifestyle that allows me to take the time every day, maybe even throughout the day, to focus on what really matters? What are the concrete steps I need to take to reach a place where I'm not too busy with other things? What things are okay for me to be busy with? What things are not okay for me to be busy with?
Tonight, I got the chance to talk on the phone with an old friend (can't believe I'm even old enough to have "old friends"!). We quickly caught up on our lives' happenings, and settled on the topic of defining ones' self. We decided it's hugely important in life to become someone who is about something. To discern, and decide: What am I going to be all about? When people think of me, how do they think of me? How do I want to define myself?
When someone asks of me, I don't want it to be said of me: "Oh, Alex? He's an accountant." Of course, it's true. And, there's nothing wrong with the field of work I've landed in. But I want to be known for something more. I want to focus, really focus on something that means more to me, something I can dedicate myself to, to the point that it becomes my identity over my job. I don't know what that is yet, but I know it's just a matter of time, patience, listening, before I get there.
Life contains continuous wake-up calls, alerting us to the moments that reveal another dimension of our true self. How will we hear these opportunities for growth unless we are vigilant? Healthy spirituality includes interior and exterior attentiveness. This alertness requires listening. Paying attention would seem to be one of the easier tasks of the spiritual life, but reality contradicts this presumption. If anything, listening becomes ever more challenging because of the clamor and burdens of our hurried days.
How wonderful to have our heart be that "awake." Illness, depression, certain personality traits, overwhelming home and work responsibilities prevent us from a focused awareness. Being busy in itself is not a dreadful thing, but becomes a major stumbling block to our readiness to listen when it keeps us from being alert and responsive.
But, is it really feasible not to be busy, if I want to succeed? I guess that depends on my definition of succeed. I totally agree that being so busy is the easiest way to forget about the bigger picture for weeks, months, even years at a time. For some reason, even though I'm fairly busy now with work, I've been blessed with the opportunity to push myself to pray on an (almost) nightly basis. Yes, I've missed some nights (I'm about 4 nights behind now!), but I have to be okay with my imperfections.
So, how do I find a lifestyle that allows me to take the time every day, maybe even throughout the day, to focus on what really matters? What are the concrete steps I need to take to reach a place where I'm not too busy with other things? What things are okay for me to be busy with? What things are not okay for me to be busy with?
Tonight, I got the chance to talk on the phone with an old friend (can't believe I'm even old enough to have "old friends"!). We quickly caught up on our lives' happenings, and settled on the topic of defining ones' self. We decided it's hugely important in life to become someone who is about something. To discern, and decide: What am I going to be all about? When people think of me, how do they think of me? How do I want to define myself?
When someone asks of me, I don't want it to be said of me: "Oh, Alex? He's an accountant." Of course, it's true. And, there's nothing wrong with the field of work I've landed in. But I want to be known for something more. I want to focus, really focus on something that means more to me, something I can dedicate myself to, to the point that it becomes my identity over my job. I don't know what that is yet, but I know it's just a matter of time, patience, listening, before I get there.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Monday, Week 2 - Travelers of the Heart
"Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation." (Psalm 25:5)
What I especially value about the process of spiritual growth is the way the Holy One guides me to expire the inner terrain of my being. Whenever I open the door of my heart and take the passage beyond where I am now, the wonder and richness of divine presence and the resilient beauty of my soul amaze me. As I age, I think I am getting better at deliberately opening the door and leaving the known, safe realms behind. With each threshold crossing, I gain greater freedom to be my most authentic self.
Each of us is a traveler at heart. As we traverse the road of life, we come to unknown and unsought doors revealing further truth about our authentic self. These unfamiliar doors of life hide pieces of beneficial wisdom. They contain information for our transformation even though we may not understand this for quite a while.
The experiences of life frequently divert us rather than bring us directly to our inner treasure, causing us to doubt their worth. Each step of the way holds another opportunity for knowing who we are and how we are to live.
This reflection offers an encouraging recognition - that those life experiences that don't seem to be providing much, if any, value, in fact can ultimately be the times that are most valuable to spiritual growth. Times of uncertainty, doubt, suffering... These are the times that push one to to take the necessary steps for growth. In my case, it's prayer, it's thought, it's pushing myself to think outside the box a little bit, it's managing the daily grind and knowing there's more to this time in my life than is readily apparent. I think that will always be the case. There will never be a time in my life that isn't in some way a vital component to the rest of my life.
What I especially value about the process of spiritual growth is the way the Holy One guides me to expire the inner terrain of my being. Whenever I open the door of my heart and take the passage beyond where I am now, the wonder and richness of divine presence and the resilient beauty of my soul amaze me. As I age, I think I am getting better at deliberately opening the door and leaving the known, safe realms behind. With each threshold crossing, I gain greater freedom to be my most authentic self.
Each of us is a traveler at heart. As we traverse the road of life, we come to unknown and unsought doors revealing further truth about our authentic self. These unfamiliar doors of life hide pieces of beneficial wisdom. They contain information for our transformation even though we may not understand this for quite a while.
The experiences of life frequently divert us rather than bring us directly to our inner treasure, causing us to doubt their worth. Each step of the way holds another opportunity for knowing who we are and how we are to live.
This reflection offers an encouraging recognition - that those life experiences that don't seem to be providing much, if any, value, in fact can ultimately be the times that are most valuable to spiritual growth. Times of uncertainty, doubt, suffering... These are the times that push one to to take the necessary steps for growth. In my case, it's prayer, it's thought, it's pushing myself to think outside the box a little bit, it's managing the daily grind and knowing there's more to this time in my life than is readily apparent. I think that will always be the case. There will never be a time in my life that isn't in some way a vital component to the rest of my life.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
2nd Sunday of Lent - Inner Growth Takes Time
"May the Lord of heaven, my child, guide and prosper you this night and grant you mercy and peace" (Tobit 7:11).
When we are experiencing inner growth, something in us yearns for instant finding instead of gradual unfolding. We want to find the way and we want it now. The child in us stamps her feet, demanding that something happen. A part of us yells such things as: "I want to know my true Self now instead of stumbling around wondering if I am headed in the right direction. Let me know where I need to go with my life. Let me get on with what I am supposed to do so I can do it. I want this unfinishedness of mine to be done." Instant discovery is rarely the way of deep growth, however. It takes time for a seed to sprout, a leaf to unfurl, and a bud to bloom. All our worry and efforts at anxious control will not speed our inner growth.
Now is a time to recognize the pilgrim in us, that part of us which stumbles in confusion and wanders in the gray mist of unknowing. It is a time to grow in trust, believing that the stars that shine in our soul will lead and guide us to the future. Midlife is a time to be less concerned with being lost and more focused on waiting to be found. It is a time of profound and meaningful exploration if we allow it to be so.
Once again, we revisit the theme of patience. The past few days of my life have been about 90% sleep and work, which makes the days go by fast. The jury is still out on how I feel about my job on a daily basis -- every day seems different, sometimes stressful, sometimes great, sometimes monotonous, sometimes delightful. Every day, though, I do feel this anxiety about my life's direction. I understand that there is a need for patience, but to actually attain this is a different story. I suppose I need to have patience in the process to become fully patient -- *eyeroll*
"More focused on waiting to be found." This is tough. I'm afraid that if I try to transform my restlessness into patience, it'll inevitably slip into complacency, as it has in the past. There is a balance to be struck here, and currently (thanks to Lent), I'm probably on the anxious side of the spectrum, constantly wanting to know who I am to become, just as Sr. Joyce describes.
When we are experiencing inner growth, something in us yearns for instant finding instead of gradual unfolding. We want to find the way and we want it now. The child in us stamps her feet, demanding that something happen. A part of us yells such things as: "I want to know my true Self now instead of stumbling around wondering if I am headed in the right direction. Let me know where I need to go with my life. Let me get on with what I am supposed to do so I can do it. I want this unfinishedness of mine to be done." Instant discovery is rarely the way of deep growth, however. It takes time for a seed to sprout, a leaf to unfurl, and a bud to bloom. All our worry and efforts at anxious control will not speed our inner growth.
Now is a time to recognize the pilgrim in us, that part of us which stumbles in confusion and wanders in the gray mist of unknowing. It is a time to grow in trust, believing that the stars that shine in our soul will lead and guide us to the future. Midlife is a time to be less concerned with being lost and more focused on waiting to be found. It is a time of profound and meaningful exploration if we allow it to be so.
Once again, we revisit the theme of patience. The past few days of my life have been about 90% sleep and work, which makes the days go by fast. The jury is still out on how I feel about my job on a daily basis -- every day seems different, sometimes stressful, sometimes great, sometimes monotonous, sometimes delightful. Every day, though, I do feel this anxiety about my life's direction. I understand that there is a need for patience, but to actually attain this is a different story. I suppose I need to have patience in the process to become fully patient -- *eyeroll*
"More focused on waiting to be found." This is tough. I'm afraid that if I try to transform my restlessness into patience, it'll inevitably slip into complacency, as it has in the past. There is a balance to be struck here, and currently (thanks to Lent), I'm probably on the anxious side of the spectrum, constantly wanting to know who I am to become, just as Sr. Joyce describes.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Saturday, Week 1 - Open the Door!
"Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door" (Revelation 3:20).
When I open the dor of my heart to God, I do more than simply extend a smile of recognition or a nod of welcome. I open myself to grow and change in ways I may never dream likely. I risk being spiritually transformed into a person whose life continually manifests goodness. The pattern of this transformational process parallels the physical movement of going through a doorway.
This same type of movement happens on an inner level of myself when life situations and graced moments invite me to become more fully who I am. The choices and decisions I make determine whether I'll go through the door and enter the unknown territory of growth, or turn back and cling to the safety of who I presently am. If I am alert and willing to be transformed, I open the inner door of my self and greet fresh ideas, along with possible changes in attitude and emotional responses. Whenever I choose to open the door and step across the threshold of possibility, I become more conscious of myself as a person with unlimited potential for goodness and ever fuller unity with the divine.
In keeping with this metaphor, here is where I see myself: I've just walked through a really, really big door! I've found myself in a gigantic area, like an empty Wal-Mart, except people fill the space and are walking quickly, sometimes running, in all directions. No one seems to want to stop and take a break, and any conversation is hurried and only occurs when convenient. So, where do I go?
I think I'd like to see what everything is all about. I'm not sure I'm going to like this, but I might as well figure out what everyone is so urgently bustling about for. Now as I'm trying to match the pace of the people around me, I start to worry when I don't immediately see the goal. What I do see, though, are many other doors, lining the walls along the outside, but they all seem very far away. I think for now, I'll keep exploring my new found space. I should give it a fair shake before I decide to pick a new door.
When I open the dor of my heart to God, I do more than simply extend a smile of recognition or a nod of welcome. I open myself to grow and change in ways I may never dream likely. I risk being spiritually transformed into a person whose life continually manifests goodness. The pattern of this transformational process parallels the physical movement of going through a doorway.
This same type of movement happens on an inner level of myself when life situations and graced moments invite me to become more fully who I am. The choices and decisions I make determine whether I'll go through the door and enter the unknown territory of growth, or turn back and cling to the safety of who I presently am. If I am alert and willing to be transformed, I open the inner door of my self and greet fresh ideas, along with possible changes in attitude and emotional responses. Whenever I choose to open the door and step across the threshold of possibility, I become more conscious of myself as a person with unlimited potential for goodness and ever fuller unity with the divine.
In keeping with this metaphor, here is where I see myself: I've just walked through a really, really big door! I've found myself in a gigantic area, like an empty Wal-Mart, except people fill the space and are walking quickly, sometimes running, in all directions. No one seems to want to stop and take a break, and any conversation is hurried and only occurs when convenient. So, where do I go?
I think I'd like to see what everything is all about. I'm not sure I'm going to like this, but I might as well figure out what everyone is so urgently bustling about for. Now as I'm trying to match the pace of the people around me, I start to worry when I don't immediately see the goal. What I do see, though, are many other doors, lining the walls along the outside, but they all seem very far away. I think for now, I'll keep exploring my new found space. I should give it a fair shake before I decide to pick a new door.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Friday, Week 1 - Lost and Waiting
"I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek out your servant, for I do not forget your commandments" (Psalm 119:176).
Feeling lost, losing my sense of direction, experiencing panic, searching for the way to go, hoping to find a familiar path, finding my way home--all this has been a part of my midlife experience. Midlife has been a continual process of getting terribly lost inside, feeling far away from who I am, from the space of "me," struggling and yearning to come home to myself and then, all of a sudden, feeling at home, finding a space in me that I had either forgotten or newly discovered.
Whether we are feeling lost because we need to leave something or someone behind, or need to recover a part of ourselves, or need to move into something totally new, or we are experiencing the lostness that comes in the form of an escape, our movement toward wholeness and "being found" will require waiting. Accepting the not knowing and having to wait can oftetimes be the hardest part of midlife.
Well once again, I failed to blog on Friday and Saturday. To be fair, I'm not surprised that I take those evenings to relax and unwind from a long week. Then, on Sunday, I recharge, and really focus on preparing myself for the upcoming week. I won't get to catching up tonight, but I'm feeling pretty okay with where I'm at. Plus, the reflection from Friday means a lot more to me now that it would have on Friday...
It isn't important to get into the details, but work on Saturday turned out to be one of the more stressful days I've experienced since starting in November. Nothing necessarily in particular, but by the time I was done, I felt anxious about everything that had been building over the last few weeks -- deadlines, review comments, long hours... everything together takes its toll. This weekend was the perfect example of what Sr. Joyce speaks of in her own personal reflection. I was lost, wondering where I'm headed, and not feeling like myself. Luckily for me, I've got phenomenal support with the people in my life I'm closest to. These people know who they are -- a couple of skype convos and phone calls later, and I'm sleeping peacefully.
Today I spent most of the day watching college basketball (Go Jays! And... better luck next time Wildcats...), and trying to find myself again. I had a wonderful night at the youth group I volunteer with, so to close the weekend, I feel "home" once again. I know the next couple of months (the rest of "busy season"!) are going to be a journey, filled with internal pushing and pulling, finding my way in the world, and continuing to look out for where I'm headed. But as always, patience needs to be the focus. This is an idea I'm starting to get used to.
Feeling lost, losing my sense of direction, experiencing panic, searching for the way to go, hoping to find a familiar path, finding my way home--all this has been a part of my midlife experience. Midlife has been a continual process of getting terribly lost inside, feeling far away from who I am, from the space of "me," struggling and yearning to come home to myself and then, all of a sudden, feeling at home, finding a space in me that I had either forgotten or newly discovered.
Whether we are feeling lost because we need to leave something or someone behind, or need to recover a part of ourselves, or need to move into something totally new, or we are experiencing the lostness that comes in the form of an escape, our movement toward wholeness and "being found" will require waiting. Accepting the not knowing and having to wait can oftetimes be the hardest part of midlife.
Well once again, I failed to blog on Friday and Saturday. To be fair, I'm not surprised that I take those evenings to relax and unwind from a long week. Then, on Sunday, I recharge, and really focus on preparing myself for the upcoming week. I won't get to catching up tonight, but I'm feeling pretty okay with where I'm at. Plus, the reflection from Friday means a lot more to me now that it would have on Friday...
It isn't important to get into the details, but work on Saturday turned out to be one of the more stressful days I've experienced since starting in November. Nothing necessarily in particular, but by the time I was done, I felt anxious about everything that had been building over the last few weeks -- deadlines, review comments, long hours... everything together takes its toll. This weekend was the perfect example of what Sr. Joyce speaks of in her own personal reflection. I was lost, wondering where I'm headed, and not feeling like myself. Luckily for me, I've got phenomenal support with the people in my life I'm closest to. These people know who they are -- a couple of skype convos and phone calls later, and I'm sleeping peacefully.
Today I spent most of the day watching college basketball (Go Jays! And... better luck next time Wildcats...), and trying to find myself again. I had a wonderful night at the youth group I volunteer with, so to close the weekend, I feel "home" once again. I know the next couple of months (the rest of "busy season"!) are going to be a journey, filled with internal pushing and pulling, finding my way in the world, and continuing to look out for where I'm headed. But as always, patience needs to be the focus. This is an idea I'm starting to get used to.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thursday, Week 1 - Trying to Be with God
"I keep the Lord always before me; because God is at my right hand, I shall not be moved" (Psalm 16:7).
When we pray, we cross a threshold into mystery. We enter openly, with an assurance that our life will continually take on the hue of the Holy One. In order to do this, we need quiet times, spaces in our day or evening when silence and solitude are given prominence in our schedule. Our culture does not promote this silence. On the contrary, we are constantly pulled this way and that by our overly active society. The electronic age seduces us with constant noise and frenetic, compulsive action. Only with steadfast determination will we create the space we need for daily, formal prayer.
When we slow down and allow for quiet spaces, there are fewer barriers between us and the Holy One. In stillness, we come face to face with what we might otherwise miss or avoid. As we give ourselves to periods of silence and solitude, we uncover more of the truth that guides our life and are able to relish the goodness of the Beloved dwelling within the beauty of our soul.
I have another confession to make. A lot of times, I neglect to take the opportunity to make the most of this Lenten project. The idea is supposed to encapture exactly what Sr. Joyce speaks of in this reflection. Silence, quiet time, a steadfast devotion to spending time in prayer. Yet what this has turned into is not always so. Sometimes I leave the TV on in the background. Other times I'm not really praying, but just trying to spew something into the blog window so I can say I kept up with the day. It's better than skipping, for sure, but I think I need to do a better job of intentionally praying throughout this process.
Tonight, though, I must catch up on sleep. I will surely take the opportunity to pray as I'm closing my eyes, but my consciousness won't last for long...
When we pray, we cross a threshold into mystery. We enter openly, with an assurance that our life will continually take on the hue of the Holy One. In order to do this, we need quiet times, spaces in our day or evening when silence and solitude are given prominence in our schedule. Our culture does not promote this silence. On the contrary, we are constantly pulled this way and that by our overly active society. The electronic age seduces us with constant noise and frenetic, compulsive action. Only with steadfast determination will we create the space we need for daily, formal prayer.
When we slow down and allow for quiet spaces, there are fewer barriers between us and the Holy One. In stillness, we come face to face with what we might otherwise miss or avoid. As we give ourselves to periods of silence and solitude, we uncover more of the truth that guides our life and are able to relish the goodness of the Beloved dwelling within the beauty of our soul.
I have another confession to make. A lot of times, I neglect to take the opportunity to make the most of this Lenten project. The idea is supposed to encapture exactly what Sr. Joyce speaks of in this reflection. Silence, quiet time, a steadfast devotion to spending time in prayer. Yet what this has turned into is not always so. Sometimes I leave the TV on in the background. Other times I'm not really praying, but just trying to spew something into the blog window so I can say I kept up with the day. It's better than skipping, for sure, but I think I need to do a better job of intentionally praying throughout this process.
Tonight, though, I must catch up on sleep. I will surely take the opportunity to pray as I'm closing my eyes, but my consciousness won't last for long...
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