Saturday after Ash Wednesday - Time to Go Deeper

"Say to those who are of a fearful heart, 'Be strong, do not fear!'" (Isaiah 35:4).

    Lent is a summons to grow and a challenge to change. It beckons one inward. It is a move to interiority, a passage to the deeper places where we discover our authenticity, where we realize both our limitations and our grandeur. It is here that we come home to our truest Self. We take our external experiences with us to the inside and look at our life. We evaluate our goals, hopes, dreams, beliefs, behaviors, experiences--all that has marked us and contributed to the person we have become--and we ask ourselves: "Is this the person I want to be in the future?"
    As we go deeper, we start finding all sorts of things. Some of it is the junk of old wounds that comes to the surface and needs to be let go while other discoveries are wonderful treasures that gift us with joy. As we explore these waters, we meet strange occupants in the deeps, some of which are frightening and others enigmatically beautiful and enticing.

    Sr. Joyce pretty well summarizes the goal of the season, and the goal of my Lenten project, to ask myself if I am the person I want to be in the future.
    Thus far in my short career as an auditor, I have managed to keep a very critical, discerning mind about the work I am doing. So far, I mostly enjoy the work that I do, I never feel like I'm watching the clock or gasping for Friday, and I know that I am learning every day. At the same time, though, somewhere in the clouded depths of my mind, I question my long-term direction -- not necessarily in a way that rules out my continuing to develop in this career, but in a way that leaves my options for how I choose to live my life totally open. The goal of this Lenten season is to establish the habit of taking these clouded thoughts and transforming them into focused, intentional reflection (and dialogue!) about my direction and my calling.
    I am particularly struck by the comment about realizing both our limitations and our grandeur. It can be tough to find this balance. There are times when I feel totally unmotivated and incapable of anything meaningful in this world. Other times, I feel like I can literally change lives by the millions. To realize the balance between the two would be a peaceful blessing. Yet another object of prayer and patience. Prayer, and patience. I'm sensing a theme...

Friday after Ash Wednesday - Why Fast?

Well, I'm already two days behind in my reflections, so I better catch up! I'm going to try to spread this out today so I can give each reflection its due attention.

"Why do we fast, but You do not see? Why humble ourselves, but You do not notice?" (Isaiah 58:3).

    Fasting can be a means of significant spiritual growth, but so much depends on why we do it.
    What are some good motivations for fasting? One is to remember God's nearness. I get so busy that I lose my sense of God's presence sometimes. When I am hungry, there is an "aha" within that reminds me: "Listen to your hunger for God." Other times, I am too self-oriented, so I fast to deepen my awareness of my sisters and brothers who lack adequate food and drink. And sometimes I let fasting slow me down when I am zooming along too quickly. With less food, I eat slowly and savor more fully.
    I encourage you this Lent to think about why you fast and to consider what you most need for spiritual growth. Perhaps each time you fast, it may be for a slightly different reason. Whatever you do, let your fasting draw you to the heart of God.

    Just last year, I was turned on to the famous Friday Fish Fry's that happen all over Omaha every Lent. Every once in a while, I stop and think -- Is this why we're instructed not to eat meat on Fridays? To give us an excuse to throw a huge party and stuff our faces with fish? Now, I don't mean criticize the Fish Fry ritual that reels in (sorry for the pun) thousands of people per location. From what I understand, the money raised from this weekly event helps to keep many otherwise unsustainable and wholly beneficial programs... sustainable. And, it brings people who love people, together. That can't be bad.
    But it does tend to make a mockery of the spirit of fasting. I try to be careful not to speak condescendingly, for I am as guilty of gluttony as anyone. I think the reflection offered by Sr. Joyce articulates a point so often overlooked by the Catholic community: Why do we fast? More broadly, why do we do anything we do? It is so important for us to understand and strive to feel the effect of the acts we do, especially regarding our faith, but also in all facets of our lives. And if we don't understand, or we just don't seem to feel it, I believe we should pray for the understanding or the ability to be affected spiritually by our own actions.

Thursday after Ash Wednesday - Becoming Pilgrims of the Heart

"The Lord our God be with us... may he not leave us or abandon us, but incline our hearts to him, to walk in all his ways" (1 Kings 8:57-58).

    To be a pilgrim is to be willing to live with the mystery of what will happen both interiorly and exteriorly as one walks day after day after day toward the destination of the sacred site. What happens inside cannot be planned or mapped out in the same way that the physical route is mapped. Becoming a pilgrim means there are no maps of the heart. One simply holds onto the hand of the Great Pilgrim and travels wit hope that one day the spiritual benefits of the road will reveal themselves and be understood.
    In being a pilgrim, the journey itself is of prime importance. It is about what happens to us on the way, what takes place in our hearts. What really matters is how we give ourselves to each step along the way. The same is true for our pilgrimage through life. It is how we live, how we respond to what life brings us that creates the difference in our spiritual journey. It is not waiting until death, the endpoint, before we become who we are meant to be. The process of being spiritually transformed into our truest selves happens all along the way.

    This reflection by Sr. Joyce provides for me a comforting challenge -- let me stress the oxymoron here: Comforting. Challenge.
    The comfort comes in the form of a reminder, a reminder that our lives are a spiritual journey. I am comforted to know that, though I may not yet be the person I am called to be, I am where I am now for a reason. I sometimes stop in my tracks, look at my own life from a distance, and ask the question: "How could you possibly be doing what you're called to do... accounting?" There are three legitimate responses to this. 1) The accounting industry is a necessary task in our society, and in particular, the auditing profession essentially provides the same services to society as policemen do... with numbers. The work I do on a daily basis doesn't always fulfill the heart like I imagine preventing violent crime would, but in the big picture, our profession is responsible for significantly limiting the possibility for rampant economic crime. 2) I am reminded of a concept explored in the Book of Mev (by Mark Chmiel), that, no matter the profession, everyone has an opportunity to be a "liberation ________". I can be a liberation accountant. I can think of two ways to apply this: First, to treat everyone I encounter in my job with the love and respect deserved by all creations of God, perhaps even touching their lives in a small way by my actions. And second, I can explore opportunities to apply the skills I will pick up in my accounting profession to serve others in need. 3) The last response, and the one I think this reflection touches on the most, is the idea that this profession is part of my life's journey for a reason. I am called to take my experiences, no matter how corporate on the surface, and apply them to my spiritual journey.
    Therein lies the challenge. I am challenged to ask questions. Challenged to seek discomfort. Challenged to grow, respond, act, change... Challenged to become the person I am meant to be. But let me not get ahead of myself. After all, the greatest challenge is patience.

Ash Wednesday - I Want to Return

    Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Catholic faith's annual period of spiritual renewal - Lent (or as I thought as a child - "lint"). We are called to take some sort of action, or make some kind of sacrifice, in order to restore our relationship with God. In the past, I've given up alcoholic beverages, vowed (and failed) to say a rosary every day during lent, and vowed (and failed) to read a thorough introduction to the New Testament in order to better understand and defend my faith. This year, I vow to blog. I hope that the public nature of this promise motivates me to follow through the entire season of Lent.
    I received from my local parish (St. Leo's in Omaha) a pamphlet with a short daily reflection for every day during Lent. I don't know anything more about this pamphlet, except that the author's name is Sr. Joyce Rupp, OSM. I do know that it found its way into my possession and so I'm going to make use of it. I intend, on a nightly basis, to simply read, and reflect. I choose this as my Lenten promise because what I need most in my life is to set aside time for prayer. My prayer life has lacked, truly for years, and I have no one to blame but myself. As I approach this endeavor, I recognize that I must be patient with myself and with my God. I should not expect to experience revelation, sudden insights, or even feel-good moments, for that would be selfish. I should only choose to be patient. Sit. Reflect. Listen. Be.
    Here it is, then. The first daily scripture and reflection:

"Return to me with with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning" (Joel 2:12)

    I am always amazed at how many people come to Ash Wednesday services. Each Lent I wonder what brings them there. Perhaps it is the call to "return." Maybe a sense of hope is kindled in hearts by the possibility of coming back to God and trying once more to strengthen one's faith. I think it may also be the realization that there is always a part of one's heart that has not yet been given over to God. When we look within, we see that there is still more that needs to be brought home to the Holy One. There are always parts of us that we hold back and that need to be rejoined to God, in whose heart we truly belong.
    This first day of Lent the Scriptures reassures us that God is rich in faithful love and waiting to welcome us home. Let us enter this Church season trusting that God will draw near and help us in our desire to "return."

    I have a confession. I did not go to mass today. Granted, today is not a Holy Day, technically speaking. But it is likely the third most attended day of mass, behind Christmas and Easter. And I did not go. I could have gone, but I consciously chose not to celebrate Ash Wednesday with the Catholic community. Why?
    Let me first ask, why do so many people choose to attend mass on this day, when many other Holy Days of obligation come and go unnoticed? I've heard it joked about that people will go just for the ashes -- because they get something. Kidding aside, this is a legitimate consideration. There's no question that we feel "extra blessed" when we are anointed with a physical substance on our foreheads.
    Also, I believe Catholic are more likely to attend when they know they will be surrounded by many. It is rightfully comforting to celebrate with a large number of like-minded believers.
    So why did I choose to stay home tonight? The answer I've determined is not meant to serve as an excuse or as justification, but it is my best attempt at being honest with myself: I wasn't ready. My time tonight, I decided, was better spent praying over this reflection in the privacy of my own apartment, to prepare myself for the season, to start off my Lenten project with a genuine heart, to "be"... at my own pace.
    I do not disagree with Sr. Joyce, though. I do desire to return. I am wearily aware of my need for a renewed spiritual drive, and it is up to me to transform this awareness into a vibrant passion for my faith, a passion which penetrates my pattern of thought.

Agape Community Cafe

Many of you who know me, know that since about the middle of my last semester at Creighton University (Spring, 2011), I have been mulling over the idea of opening a "community cafe" near Creighton's campus (eta: 2 - ? years from now). The going name I have picked out is "Agape Community Cafe" (could be ACC for short, but I would hate for people to confuse it with the Atlantic Coast Conference... the athletic conference Duke is in ).

The idea:

The idea came to me while sitting at a breakout session at a conference called the Young Professionals' Summit in Omaha. The session was supposed to cover what it is that makes up a successful community. Instead, all I witnessed were a few presenters patting Omaha's proverbial back, congratulating us for having already achieved such a wonderful "community". I thoroughly disagreed (not that I think any other American society does it any better!), and so took to mind-wandering of my own. Thus, the idea was born.

The premise:

The basic innovation is this -- every time anyone walks into the cafe, the expectation (of course, not a requirement), is that he/she will meet someone new before leaving... every time. The cafe will feature various methods to encourage this practice, including a wide range of ways to facilitate introductions (games, activities, conversation-starting questions, etc.) and incentives (how would you like $1 off your next visit?.. every time).

I believe that America's society and people truly suffer from our thoroughly developed emphasis on the individual. Here, a quote from The Book of Mev: "In the U.S., my experience of poverty was one of disintegration and isolation of individual people and families." -- Ann Manganaro, who, at the time, had been living and working as a doctor in El Salvador for 5 years, after previously living at a Catholic Worker house in St. Louis.

This quote ties back perfectly to the end of my last post, where I speak of the experience of meeting and conversing with a new individual as the single unit currency of solidarity. America quite possibly may be the poorest country in the world (admittedly, I really have no personal experience to support this claim, but regardless, the point remains).

Further ambitions:

-- With success, I would hope to open more locations, in Omaha, and in other cities.

-- The ultimate hope would be to aid in facilitating increased solidarity between neighboring populations who currently have their backs turned toward each other. The easiest example of this can be seen between Creighton's student body and the primarily African American community neighboring to the north. I don't presume that anyone from either population cares to meet someone from the other. However, I myself never really desired to meet anyone unlike myself, but when I did, I regretted my prior apathy.

Other tidbits:

-- I don't intend on creating a "charity". The purpose is not to "help out the poor community," and every effort will be made to eliminate any perception of inequality or authority within the restaurant. Rather, the purpose is to promote the true development of community, particularly between contrasting populations.

-- Membership cards with programmed personal interests (like the check box list you fill out for StumbleUpon!), so you're only notified about certain events that you have indicated you would be interested in (ex: chess tournaments, pub quizzes, environmental speakers, etc.).

-- Really, REALLY good food (a must!!!). Tossing around the idea of family style portions, or perhaps menu items that lend themselves to being shared (nachos, duh).

-- Lots of local art/music exhibitions.

-- Intentional hiring practices (hiring previously incarcerated or those otherwise unlikely to find stable work).

-- All round tables to encourage interaction, as well as focusing the entire decor/infrastructure of the restaurant towards an appropriate community environment.

-- A gift/goods store portion, selling all kinds of products that are in some way beneficial to the world (environmentally friendly practices, made by local producers, proceeds go to a cause, etc.).

-- Free popcorn sounds enticing, doesn't it? Thank you, Dubliner, for the inspiration! (and seriously, Dubliner, fix your popcorn machine).

Moving forward:

I intend to take the next couple of years to learn as much as I can about business successes and failures (as an auditor for a CPA Firm here in Omaha), and talk to as many people as I can about my idea. I know that I need to be open (and inviting!) to all thoughts and questions in order to give myself the best chance of success. I want to anticipate as many obstacles as I can. Thanks, all of you, for your support, constructive criticism, and love!

Alex

Cleveland Rocks!

The city of Cleveland, Ohio has cemented for itself a special place in my heart.

Growing up, I knew it only as "one of those cities with a professional baseball team!" The Cleveland Indians -- in fact, in those days, they were relevant! One evening, I watched as Albert Belle (slammer extraordinaire) stepped up to the plate. My mom said, "Alex, this guy hits a home run every time he's up to bat." Of course, when he hit a home run in that moment, I believed her (literally)! Well, later in the game, he came up again in the 9th with runners on base and needing to hit a home run to keep his team in the game. When he struck out, I bawled. (And I could no longer trust my own mother! ... Just kidding) :-)

But this is not why I now hold Cleveland dear (and let's be serious, the Atlanta Braves were my team growing up, until, of course, Arizona introduced the Diamondbacks in 1998!)

In the fall semester of 2009, I learned that I would be spending a week in the following March on a service trip with several others in Cleveland. It was then that I learned that Cleveland is on the edge of a lake, a full two day straight shot driving east from Omaha, NE.

I had spent the semester in Ireland, where they informed us "American students" from the very beginning that there were no opportunities for volunteering in the modest (a generous descriptor) town of Limerick. Apparently, American study abroad students often demanded such programs, so the international student coordinators knew to warn us in advance that such opportunities did not in fact exist at this time.

Up until then, I hadn't really considered very seriously the idea of volunteering. It wasn't until I saw the suffering of the poor in the non-campus areas of Limerick that I really felt like I wanted to involve myself in their lives. But rather than try anything on my own, I decided to sign up for the Spring Break Service Trips program back at Creighton for the following semester.

It was the city of Cleveland that gave me the chance to be with the poor. Without really knowing anything at all about what I was about to experience, I proceeded with an open mind (but not without preconceptions). What I experienced was a thorough, albeit protected, immersion with the poor/homeless, accompanied by 8 others from Creighton whom I'd never met.

This is what I learned:

-I learned that the struggles of the poor go largely ignored by the masses of our society, a society built on individualistic and consumer-driven ambitions. (I try to say this without spite, but it isn't easy).

-I learned that each and every individual, no matter the circumstances, cares about his/her life just as much as I care about my own. More importantly... his/her life is absolutely as valuable as my own.

-I learned that there are some men and women who are remarkably dedicated to devoting their lives for the good of others. I needed not to look further than the other members of my own group.

What I learned, though, seems now to be just parts of the greater picture. The greatest consequence of my trip to Cleveland, the most remarkable aspect of its impact on me, is its role as spark.

Cleveland sparked within me a personal revolution. My motivations are changed, my thoughts and my desires are changed, my entire social circle is now fully displaced, and most concretely, my actions are changed. This short paragraph, if expanded upon, would be far too much for one blog entry -- it is my hope that my blog eventually will reveal the full details of this revolution.

My concern is this: If I had not stumbled upon this spark... who would I be today? I don't dare to actually investigate the answer to this question, but I do ask the question for a reason. I fear that the typical American individual lives most of their developing life sheltered from the realities of marginalized peoples, as I had for over 20 years. Most people do not even get the chance to be challenged by this experience! The sad (or perhaps, encouraging?) part is, it usually is of no fault of their own. Our society, in large part, does not foster the practice of integration of social classes.

I believe that this very act -- the act of simply meeting and conversing with anyone who struggles economically, racially, or otherwise -- is a necessary first step to a very healthy and beneficial personal revolution. It is the single unit experience of solidarity.

Consider it a currency. The more "meetings" our society manages to facilitate within itself, particularly between social classes, the richer we shall be.

***

Though I only spent one full week in the city of Cleveland, the name and the memories command as much affection from me as any other place in this world. I pray that others will stumble across a "Cleveland" of their own, and strive to do my part to aid in the effort.

First* Post

Ah, the asterisk. An irreplaceable literary tool which really just says, "There's something more that you should know about what this particular word is supposed to indicate." Well, in this case, it simply means that this post is not really my "First" post. That, of course, would be my solitary entry in October of 2009 while I wasted away (in multiple senses of the phrase) in Ireland on a study abroad semester.

That was nearly 2 years ago. Frankly, I forgot I had a blog. But I thoroughly enjoyed my entry from Ireland (the blog was meant to document my entire experience, which instead can just be summed up by a few remarks... if you're curious, just ask).

But now, in this period of transition in my life, I find myself with time and, thus, a reason to reflect. I hope to make blogging a semi-regular habit. I believe the practice can be concretely beneficial, and hopefully might provide some cents-worth of entertainment for those of you who care to read. There are many times I realize I should have written something down -- lists, trains of thought, music (as in, the notes to music in my head), etc.

Following in the footsteps of my youngest older brother, I'd like to keep my posts focused within themselves individually. I think this option is preferable to the standard "This is what happened to me today..." format. So, I should not stray much further than I already have tonight.

There are many going-on's to cover, but I want to save them for future posts because I am tired and want to give each one the due attention it deserves.