Thursday, Week 4 - Overcoming My Fears

"For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:10).

    Part of me yearns for inner freedom yet hides from it at the same time, the place in me that resists coming home to my truest self. It is in this unfree place that I hide from what will bring me to greater wholeness.
    How can I resist the invitation to personal wholeness, to be my truest self, when I am always yearning for this in my life? Yet, I do resist it. There are times when I allow my fears, anxieties, or confusions to keep me from making a change in my life that would be for my growth.
    Sometimes it has been something rather simple, like trying on a new style of behavior. For example, I recognize this happening in me when my life and work call me to be in a "high extrovert" situation, meeting and greeting new people, entering into long hours of socializing and relating to strangers. The part of me that knows how delicious it feels to be an introvert wants to run and hide, to not reach out, to close my inner door and go home to solitude and quiet.

    Last weekend, I had the pleasure to travel with my roommate and many of our friends (14 in all!) to Wichita, Kansas, where my roommate grew up, and his Dad has a farm with a whole slew of activities to keep us more than entertained (horseback riding, ATVs, and a zipline into water, to name a few). I had one of the easiest, more relaxing, enjoyable days of my life just exploring the various adventures of the property, but I also managed to find another, totally separate takeaway from the weekend.
    An "old friend" (it feels strange to even be able to say that at the age of 23) from Tucson just happened to be in Wichita at the time. So Saturday night, I sent him a few text messages, and before I knew it, I was face to face with him, catching up on life and hitting all sorts of topics. He's a few years older than I am (we are acquainted through the Church we were both active at in Tucson), so fortunately he is in a position to give me some experienced insight into the discernment process. There are two main messages that stick out to me from my relatively extensive chat with him:
    1) Your company does not own you. He illustrated his point with his own career snapshot. He defines himself by his qualifications, experiences, and industry expertise, not by the company he works for. That is not to say he isn't proud of the company he works for - he certainly is. But he also recognizes his independence. This gives him the freedom and flexibility to be himself to the fullest degree.
    2) The discernment process never ends. He affirmed my restlessness by convincing me that his mind is not in such a different place. He was very honest in his consideration of his option (and potential!) to veer from the comfortable career path, despite knowing he's good at what he does and even feels a decent amount of pride and satisfaction from his work.
    I so appreciated the conversation with my friend, and have to believe that the Holy Spirit had some involvement in bringing us together last weekend in Wichita. I can only hope it served him in some way, as it served me.