Monday, Week 4 - Growing in the Darkness

"Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me" (Micah 7:8).

    At times I have found it difficult to believe that darkness could be a source of growth. Darkness to a child, as well as to many adults, can be a scary, fearsome place where wild creatures wait to pounce and prey. But, in actuality, some kinds of darkness are truly our friends. Darkness is very essential for some aspects of growth and protection.
    But there is also an unfriendly darkness, like human destructiveness or hate, a blackness that can maim and wound us mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It is the kind that will lead us to despair, where we end up hurting ourselves or others. It destroys our hope and our positive view of life. We do not grow in this kind of darkness. We turn in on self. We stop believing in our goodness and beauty and that of others.
    How do I know what kind of darkness to stay in? It is not easy to know. Sometimes I just do not know. I always need someone to walk faithfully with me during these times of darkness.

    I've been thinking a lot about the Trayvon Martin case that has captured the attention of many across the country -- in short, the 17-year-old young man who was shot dead by a neighborhood watchman after a nondescript altercation of some sort.
    There are so many factors in this case that are being discussed in the media and elsewhere -- self-defense laws, what actually happened that night, racism, etc. I, like most, cannot claim to know anything about what happened leading up to the gunfire, but I do have an opinion on the story as a whole...
    I believe the story's existence and constant daily fueling is damaging for our country. Every day the media outlets release new rumors, details, celebrity quotes, etc. about this case, more and more hatred, in one direction or another, is incited. I am not against people rallying together for a cause, but this story in particular is not so much rallying people together for Trayvon, but rather against the man who (as far as we know) fired the gun.
    This is a darkness that I believe is not a positive for anyone involved, including anyone across the nation whose angry side is provoked simply by reading news article after news article about the case. Whether race had anything to do with the incident or not, I would bet that racism has gained momentum across the country as a result of the widespread reporting of this story, and that genuinely upsets me. Trayvon's family is clearly in pain, and I don't doubt they need all the support and love they can get. But it is unhealthy for them, and for us, to focus on "justice". Retaliation, vengeance, hatred -- these are truly dark emotions.
    We ought to focus on grieving, praying, healing, and loving.

Fourth Sunday of Lent - Appreciate Your Blessings

"May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us" (Psalm 67:1).

    Anyone and anything that brings good or God-ness into our lives is a blessing. To bless is to bring the touch of God, the touch of love and goodness, to another by our presence as well as by our actions. Blessings are a greeting from God saying "I care about you. I desire what will be for your good. You are dear to my heart. I want your life to be filled with love."
    Blessings are not always immediate, "feel good" sorts of things. Sometimes these blessings come disguised in the pain, struggle, and hardship of the unwanted parts of our lives. It is only later, with hindsight, that we look and see what a gift those times and events were for us.
    As you pray through these days, may you grow in awareness of the countless blessings that are yours. May you become much more aware of how you yourself are a blessing in the lives of others by the loving quality of who you are and what you do. Most of all, may your love and appreciation for the Giver of all Gifts, the best of all blessings, continue to grow and be enriched.

    Just last night, I led a prayer station as one of the rotations for groups of high school students for the youth group for which I serve as an adult volunteer. I led them through a brief, quiet reflection about their lives as journeys -- past, present, and future. One thing I really stressed to them was the importance of listening as a part of prayer. I figure I should probably practice what I know to be true... and I'm realizing the nature of this blogging prayer is very much "speaking, speaking, speaking". So tonight, I'm cutting this off here. I'm taking the next few moments to listen, and appreciate my blessings in silence.

Saturday, Week 3 - Changed by Our Journey

"And all of us...are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18).

    Every significant journey changes us in some way. We are hardly ever aware of this while we are in the midst of it. We may have hints of these changes but it is only later, in looking back, that we gasp in amazement at what was being formed and shaped in our lives. Only then do we recognize how a new attitude, a stronger dedication, and a fuller passion stretched us into the fullness of life. Then we are able to identify the journey's ability to propel us into unexpected growth.
    Unfortunately, our significant journeys can also alter us in negative ways we do not want. Sometimes we end up with greater disillusionment, deeper dissatisfaction, unending restlessness, frustrating confusion, or brittle patterns of disturbing anger and hostility. So much of what we learn from our noteworthy journeys depends on what we experience and how we go about responding.

    It is a scary truth to realize that we as human beings are vulnerable to real regression when it comes to our spirituality and satisfaction in life. Furthermore, that this regression, or progression, depends on us. What if I fail to respond healthily to adverse life events? What if I dig myself a hole so deep, I'll never manage to come out of it?
    Fortunately, I don't believe I've come across anything in life that has broken me down so much so that I am negatively affected by it for the long term. Like anyone else, of course, I've experienced some struggle in life, but I am confident that I have always managed to come out on the other side better off. Through some of my experiences, I have met some individuals whose hearts are truly hardened by their own past experiences. I am grateful to be able to say that my life has been joyous, but I believe this contrast places some sort of responsibility upon my shoulders.
    It is very easy for me to avoid thinking about the hardships that are faced by huge percentages of our world's population. There are times when I manage to face these thoughts, but these occasions come and go fleetingly. In this moment, I pray for strength to recognize, and act on, the hardships faced by others.

Friday, Week 3 - Turning to God

"Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word" (Luke 1:38).

    When I think of "prayer," I think of the many ways a relationship develops. Certainly it happens through speaking to another person. It is also essential that it involve listening. How much more difficult to listen than to speak. More difficult yet is being at ease in a relationship when two persons are silent together.
    Prayer is being with God in an intentional way. In other words, I can deliberately turn my mind and heart toward God in whatever I am involved. I can relate to God anytime and anywhere. As I prepare a meal, I can deliberately recall how God is with me. Prayer can take place as I enjoy the muscles and mobility of the human body or the beauty of winter snow. It might happen as I drive to work and sense God's love encompassing all who are on the freeway. Or when I am in the shower and I offer to God all that I am and all that I have as I begin the day.
    Sometimes we are "pulled" into prayer, so to speak, when a sunset or a mountain or a newborn child catches our spirit and tumbles us into a deep awareness of Someone besides ourselves being there.

    Tomorrow night, I will go to a youth group for which I serve as an adult leader. The agenda tomorrow is prayer - I am to lead one of several stations about prayer, basically demonstrating this very idea, that prayer can take shape in many different forms. The irony is, I've spent some time tonight praying about how I'd like to present prayer tomorrow night. Maybe I should just take them all to a coffee shop to blog about Sr. Joyce's Lenten reflections... it seems to work for me!
    When I think of prayer, I think of the process, fully experienced. I believe this involves authentic time alone with God, as well as intentional communion with others. The two sides of this coin work together to enhance the experience. I have found great peace in praying on my own, then conveying the things I have spoken and heard during that solitary prayer to others. It is all prayer.
    I am a big believer in this communication. There is nothing more peaceful to me than to share my inner feelings - though not wrecklessly - with others. We have so much to gain from the sharing of our lives. As well, we must be careful to listen as much as we speak.

Thursday, Week 3 - Hearts Burning with Love

"Within me there is something like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot" (Jeremiah 20:9).

    How do we keep th elove of God aflame in us? How do we stoke the fires of our enthusiasm and passion for spiritual growth? We must stay close to the original flame of love, and draw near to the heart of God through daily prayer and through a continual yearning to be one with the divine presence. Each time we intentionally draw near to God we light a candle in our heart.
    Sometimes our prayer and our desire are not enough to keep the passion for God a live in us. At these times we need to draw close to others whose hearts are on fire with God. Simply by being with them we can often catch a spark that will renew our own lost radiance. Goodness attracts goodness. Fire leaps from heart to heart.
    We do not know the day when the spark in us will burst into greater fire. We cannot force the flame before its time. We can only do our part and entrust the kindling to our God and the people God brings into our lives.

    I read reflections such as this, and I have to simply sigh at the continued patience I am called to practice. Sometimes, this sort of daily reflection actually pushes me to feel more restless, which I suppose is how I'm meant to feel. That's the point. It's the restlessness, combined with authentic prayer and discernment, that will lead me to be who and where I am meant to be.
    I currently sit at one of the local favorite coffee shops here in Omaha, NE. How did I end up in this town, anyway? I look at my life and see that it has recently hit a destination. For years, I had a track to follow, I knew the classes I needed to take, and the job I was supposed to get. Now I'm here.
    It's a Saturday night, and I don't have plans to party. My life can be described as segmented. Part of me is navigating the brand new world I have entered, managing the challenges and appreciating the perks of my job. The other part works to discover the ways I'd most like to spend my time on the nights and weekends. I sit here tonight, and ask myself: "What's next?" Silence.
    I am happy. But I am restless. I am convinced that I am where I am meant to be.

Wednesday, Week 3 - God's Home in Our Heart

"Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?" (Psalm 139:7).

    Deep within us is a place where we have found God and God has found us. Once in a great while we come to this place within us and we realize it is the goal of our seeking. It feels like home. It is a place of safety and security, an ideal home where we can be ourselves and know that we are accepted for who we are. We have easy access to understanding and acceptance. We may be challenged to grow here, but always in the context of a deep and strong love.
    Our hearts and minds are easily distracted by many other things, everyday realities such as work, maintaining a physical home, raising a family, shopping for life's necessities. As much as we yearn to stay closely connected with this inner source we quickly lose our sense of it. Thus, we spend most of our lives seeking what we momentarily find and then lose again.
    Most of the time we search without relaly being aware of what is gnawing at us deep inside. We search for something called happiness. We long for a gift named peace. We search for meaning in our lives, for love, for understanding of ourselves and others, for an acceptance of the ups and downs of the human condition.

    It is interesting to me to note how confident Sr. Joyce is in her generalizing description of the nature of our lives' paths. To claim that we have all, at one time, found that place within us that feels like home, is a bold claim. I cannot deny, however, that it is definitely true for me. The time in my life that I have known this feeling the best is high school.
    I think about those years, and what it was that fostered the right context for such a comfortable, secure feeling I felt from within. The right people. The right place. The right words, lighting, love, just everything about those moments was instrumental in introducing me to that feeling that really felt like home.
    I do not intend to devalue the people in my life today, because I know that I am as loved as I have ever been in my life. I do, from time to time, enjoy flashes of that feeling. Still, though, I must admit that the peak of my closeness to God occurred back in those teenage years. I didn't have quite the responsibility that I hold now - that may have been the biggest difference. At the time, my lack of responsibility allowed me to really find my place and my love for God. This feeling is not extinguished now, but is admittedly a little tougher to grasp onto.
    But I see myself heading in the right direction. For that reason, I smile. :)

Tuesday, Week 3 - Finding Time to Pray

"The Lord, your God, is in your midst... he wil lrenew you in his love" (Zephaniah 3:17)

    What often keeps a person from daily prayer is the belief that one has to follow through perfectly or exactly every day. For instance, someone might decide to pray for fifteen minutes every morning. After two days of this, one of the children is ill, and there goes the fifteen minutes. The next morning it may be a flat tire or some other household emergency that takes another fifteen minutes.
    Rather than say, "It's no use, I can't find time to pray," a person needs to say, "Well, I wasn't able to have the space the last two days, but I can today...and I will. I'll begin again today.
    Spiritual growth doesn't just happen. It means not answering the phone or door during one's special time of prayer, not giving in to the long list of "must do's" which come to mind when we are finally quiet, and asking family members to respect one's quiet time by not interfering unless it's a real emergency.

    It's certainly easy to relate to the process Sr. Joyce describes in this reflection. This doesn't just apply to prayer, either. For me, there are a few things I try to motivate myself to do on a more regular basis... cook, run, work out, read, get to bed on time, get up early enough for breakfast... and none of these things seems to last more than a couple of weeks before I fall back into my lazier habits. But I do try to stay optimistic. I always try again. Sometimes I keep going longer than the last time I tried it. In fact, I feel like I may even be too comfortable with the idea of failing to keep these goals for longer than a few days.
    But I must continue to forgive myself, so long as I continue to push myself in the right direction. I do believe that I am taking steps towards becoming, slowly, a more faithful and more effective person. Unfortunately, it's not going to come as one great personal "renaissance". I must realize that in order to be the fullest person I can be, it's going to take time. I want to push myself. I pray that I will ultimately know that I am succeeding, but know that there will always be room to improve.